I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
