you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
