What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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