Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
