I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
