Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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