Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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