Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
