Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
