It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
