I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
