I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
