maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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