We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
