why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
