Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
