she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
