Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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