Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
