I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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