I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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