I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
