When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's paint friendship bongs
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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