hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
