well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
