I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
