I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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