you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
