I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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