I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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