And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
