Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We need to rekindle our bromance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, beer. Big fan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
