I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
