Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
