U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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