Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
