So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
