Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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