don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
