Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
