I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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