if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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