worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
