I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
