is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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