Sponge bath it is.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
