genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
