you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
