if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
