i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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