So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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