Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
