We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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